


Forgiving the Unforgivable

by panzerplause



Category: Original Work
Genre: Gen, Mental Illness, mentions of child abuse, mentions of csa, mentions of past trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-06
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-03-16 11:55:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28581600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/panzerplause/pseuds/panzerplause
Summary: Dianne is invited to a dinner which she fails to turn down.
Kudos: 1





	Forgiving the Unforgivable

_ Hands snaked from the trembling darkness, grabbing, pinning, and trapping the young woman beneath them. Sharp teeth emerged and disappeared in white smoke. From nowhere and from everywhere it emerged. She was finally left alone, in a cold sweat until the rising sun would awake her.  _

_ - _

Freezing, Dianne awoke in her bed, tangled in the dirty sheets and slightly bewildered. Her grey pupils darted around in a panic, eyes wide as she took in her surroundings. She sat up quickly, hair stuck to her face by dried saliva. Only a moment ago it seemed like she had laid down in the afternoon for a quick nap, but it seemed to have turned into a long deep slumber through the day and early morning. Every day seemed to be the same, bleeding into one another, each day as unremarkable as the last. Wake up, shower if she had the energy, take her medication, watch the reality garbage that played endlessly on cable, and do it over and over.  
However, that day would be different. Her estranged brother (and living nightmare) James had contacted her out of the blue, asking- demanding that she meet his fiance. The tone which he spoke with was so sincere that Dianne couldn’t deny him. Even after everything, after all these years and she couldn’t feel like she could just tell him a  _ very  _ justified ‘No’ to his request. Dianne couldn’t remember the last time they talked, she never knew he had a girlfriend or his plans to marry her. All this information was dumped on here, all at once within one phone call the night before. She had felt a lump in her throat, as her mouth dried. She couldn’t manage to get one damned word out in response, other than a strained, ‘ _ Okay.’ _ .   
The seeds of doubt started to grow and germinate in her mind, like a weed that would spread until there was no other life left. She made her way to the bathroom, stepping over dirty clothes and empty food containers to get there. Absentmindedly she thought that she should clean the place, but the reflection of her face caught her attention. She could see herself as if watching a movie, she watched that girl- no, that body, undress methodically and step into the shower. Dianne knew it was her, but it didn’t feel like her. ‘ _ There’s no way I look like that’  _ She told herself as she watched the body mechanically wash itself and rinse off. She watched it stand there for what seemed only like minutes until the shrill tinny ringing of her phone caught her attention.  
Dianne glanced around frantically for a moment, water droplets clouding her vision. Wiping her eyes, her frantic looking continued for a moment. The shower curtain blurred the outside, making it hazy and dreamlike. The phone stopped ringing after a short while, as she was getting out of the shower. Stumbling and dizzy  
, her disorientation slowly improved until she felt like herself again. Something clicked in the back of her mind that reminded her to take her pills, she did so, her mouth dry and gummy after doing so.  After pulling on something that she deemed acceptable she went and searched for her phone, finding it on her bedside table. She flipped it open, fumbling as her hands shook. She called James back. The phone rang once, twice, and three times before Dianne got an answer.

Her voice gave away what she felt. 

“Um- you called?” Was the only thing she said before her brother started to ask questions, all of which went unanswered. Eventually, he seemed to get to the point and told her when and where he wanted to meet her with his soon-to-be wife. They would be meeting at a nice restaurant. Dianne thought it was an awful idea, but if it was in public she had no reason to be scared of him,  _ right?  _

Quietly, she agreed to the plan before hanging up abruptly. She silently wondered how she was going to manage if just his voice made her want to jump ship. 

Thoughts of the possibilities swam in her head, what-ifs and outright conspiracy theories were starting to get to her. She tried to organize her thoughts, tuck them into a file folder to never be seen again. She tried to distract herself by finding something suitably formal for the occasion, she needed to cover as much skin as possible without it seeming weird, without seeming like a total freak.  
Dianne felt like a total freak, standing there next to a mound of all of her clothes, sweating and freaking the hell out about it. She  _ knew  _ she was being unreasonable, how hard was it to find something to wear? It had to be appropriate, covered skin, and she had to be  _ absolutely sure  _ he didn’t hide a microphone in her clothes. She focused on that thought, and it made her manic with anxiety, to think that he would spy on her. The delusion had soon taken hold and she couldn’t keep her hands steady enough to even focus on getting ready for the formal brunch. No matter what she told herself she could take her mind off of the what-ifs.  
She was sitting down, legs half asleep, she felt like if she got up off the floor that she would die. The world would end if she stood up and found something would wear. She was sure of it.   
A knock at the front door, sent her into a rush, calling out “Just a moment!” as she attempted to make herself not look like the crazy schizo she felt like she was. Quickly she put on something, anything that would work, something normal (she hoped).  
She answered the door, a strained smile resting on her face. Her expression turned to outright fear as she realized who she was looking at. Face to face with her brother, he looked like a real man now, normal, but with something corrupted under the surface. He had the same blue eyes like her, and the same spattering of freckles on pale skin. She stepped back, putting a clear distance between them, as if to say  _ ‘You are unfamiliar and unwelcome here’  _ instead, it made her look paranoid. Dianne looked to the woman clinging to his arm lovingly, brown hair, conventionally attractive. Generic looking, she thought to herself.

“Hey, are you ready?” James questioned, an underlying ‘ _ are you okay?’  _ in his tone of voice. Dianne nodded quickly, closing and locking the door behind her as she followed the pair to their car. She noticed that it seemed to be new. She thought,  _ ‘where in the world did he get the money for this?’  _ As she got into the back. Her stomach did flips and she knew she was starting to visibly sweat.   
The car ride was quiet for a while, after around ten minutes James seemed to get uncomfortable and spoke up.

“So… what’s been going on?” Dianne almost rolled her eyes, as if he didn’t know. When her eyes met him in the rearview mirror it revealed nothing except a genuine curiosity. She wondered silently if the soon-to-be wife even knew why Dianne was there.

“You didn’t introduce me to your fiance,” Dianne stated, in a flat tone. James looked surprised as if he didn’t expect Dianne to say anything. However, before he could talk, the fiance spoke up.

“I’m Renee, and- you’re Dianne, I know that.” Renee gave a sweet, but slightly fake smile. Her eyes darted to James as if she didn’t know what was going on between the siblings. Dianne only nodded halfheartedly, eyes turning to look out at the city like she had never seen it before.   
As they arrived at the restaurant Dianne let out a sigh of relief, they weren’t lying to her about the situation. Did James truly want to catch up? Had he changed from the predatory young man into a decent adult? Dianne had no clue, she felt like she would not be the best judge of that. He had been nice enough so far, but for her, that was always how it started, you could be as nice as you wanted but still have rotten intentions. 

She wondered how easy it would be for her to forgive years of rape and abuse.

Dianne followed the two into the restaurant, feeling under-dressed even though she wore formal clothing for this. They all sat down, Dianne sitting across from the couple alone. Renee leaned against James affectionately, Dianne felt mildly repulsed and looked away. Their order was taken, Dianne not feeling hungry but getting something anyway. Maybe if she could choke down some food she could drown her memories like a sick litter of kittens.  
The food arrived, the couple tried to make small talk but Dianne said nothing, choosing to stare at her plate with glazed-over eyes. She looked up to watch James’s mouth move, she heard the words but it all seemed like gibberish, no matter how hard she tried it seemed to become jumbled. Messy, like her thoughts,

“. . . Just doing this for you, because I know you are probably still rightfully mad at me . . .” His voice seemed to fade back into gibberish, Dianne had a sick, twisted feeling about this whole situation. James was looking at her, most certainly addressing her, and she couldn’t seem to answer.

“. . . Maybe it was irresponsible of me to contact you again . . .” What in the world was he talking about? Dizziness overwhelmed her as she tried to process what he was saying, trying to get the words straight, trying to get them to mean anything except for  _ nothing.  _

_ - _

_ Hands. Hands grabbing her again, grabbing her arms and shaking her, voices that made no sense. Was she dead? Hard telling. _

_ - _

“. . . Christ James I told you this was a  _ bad  _ ide- Oh! She is awake.” Dianne opened her eyes to see Renee, her generically pretty face up in hers. 

Dianne jerked away harshly only to hit her head on the floor, she groaned in pain as her eyes watered. Her hands flew to the back of her head as if to protect herself from another blow. The voice trying to soothe her only made her ears ring, and she wrenched her eyes shut and jerked away again, this time her knuckles hitting the hardwood floor, rather than her skull.  
She expected to be hurt, for something to happen.

Nothing happened.

Dianne slowly opened her eyes, greeted with the couple standing over her, she seemed to be in her own house again. Did they bring her back here? She scrambled to get up, feeling over her body as if to check if she felt different. ‘ _ What did they do to me?’  _ To her, it was not a question of if, but of what they did to her. The couple stepped back, Dianne stepped back as well, her back hitting the corner of the wall. Her hands went behind her to the wall, scrambling at it like she could get herself farther away from them if she just willed it.   
James took a step closer, slowly as if he was approaching a wild animal.

“Dianne- calm down, we just brought you home… I just wanted to tell you that I’m sorry.” His voice was soft and gentle, but it only brought Dianne more distress.

“Ge- Get out!” Her voice was hoarse already, and it hurt to scream so hard. Once she started she couldn’t stop. So entranced by the intense emotions that she did not notice when James left, speaking softly to his partner who stood there quietly and watched until Dianne seemed to come to her senses. 

First, her breathing slowed, and then her thoughts slowed until they seemed to become coherent for her. Her lips loosened, and she started to talk. Talk talk and talk, about everything that had ever been done to her, in morbid graphic detail. Renee just seemed to stand there and listen, Dianne couldn’t comprehend what she could be feeling. Her face seemed to be blank to her, even as she kept talking and talking.   
Renee said something that Dianne didn’t quite catch, giving her a pitying look as she patted her shoulder before leaving her in the entryway, different than she had been that morning. 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on kind of a roll. Very light editing in this one, posting it while I still have the motivation.


End file.
